


Notice me

by Snails_okay



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anorexia, Eating Disorder, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Other, Protective Dean Winchester, Sam Angst, Sam-Centric, Tags to be added, anorexic sam, deans an ass at the start but he gets better., jack and sam are friends, maybe triggering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 07:42:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12700431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snails_okay/pseuds/Snails_okay
Summary: MAY BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME:Sam never thought that his eating disorder was about body image, it was more about having control in his messy life.It was about getting his dad to give a damn about him.-Basically sam developed an eating disorder when he was a teen but now that deans acting like his dad and yelling at both jack and Sam, a mental trigger has been pulled and sam’s bad eating habits have come back.Dean figured it out later on and there’s a heap of guilty dean, sam & jack friendship moments and general angst but also fluff.Il try to upload regularly as well as other supernatural one shots through out the month of nanowrimo.I apologise for any mistakes and am welcome to any feedback/requests.





	Notice me

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is a bit short but the rest will be 1k words or more, I don’t plan on making this fic too long but it’ll be at least 10k words.

Sam felt that his eating disorder wasn’t really about weight, it was about control. He remembered sitting in a diner, his dad had just finished yelling at him for what ever reason and Sam was just about ready scream. A greasy burger was placed in front of him by a cute waitress who scurried away quickly to avoid John’s wrath. Sam looked his dad in the eyes, all his anger bubbling over in a cold stare. Sam smiled devilishly and pushed his plate away.  
“No thanks, I think il pass “ he growled before adding “il walk back to the motel”.  
John was about to protest but decided against it, if the stupid boy wanted to walk then he damn well should.  
Sam felt powerful, he felt in control and the cold was not match for Sams fiery mood.

After that night Sam regularly skipped meals in protest against his fathers demands. Soon it became and obsession, a need to be in control, he would eat when and where he wanted to and his dad could just deal with it.  
John was not going to play this game, he would not give into his sons idiotic temper tantrum. “See if I care Sam, you’re just saving us money anyway” he would yell, “it’s not my problem if you’re too tired to go on a hunt”.

Sam began to feel the weight of his fathers words, in some sick way he needed his dad to care about him. Sam started to gamble with his health, he started to ask himself ‘how low can I go before he gives a damn’. Sam started loosing weight and quickly, at first he flaunted it in front of his dad. Sam walked around shirtless showing his slightly protruding ribs and defined collar bones, but never around dean, dean would worry, would try to make him stop and that was something sam definitely did not want to do. Sam needed this little bit of control over his hectic life, he need this one up on his dad even if it meant that he was constantly dizzy and tired.  
His grades dropped along with his mood, Sam fought with his dad twice as often but never about food or about his weight, john chose to ignore that and Sam decided that it was a good thing.

Sam had convinced himself that he could stop when ever he wanted, that he didn’t actually have an eating disorder he just wanted to prove something to his father. So the first days in college were hard, he sat in his dorm with tears rolling down his cheeks as he made the terrifying realisation that no, he couldn’t change, this was a part of his life now and even though his dad was out of his life he still counted calories. 

The scariest part was that Sam didn’t want to change, he felt like this little obsession was what defined him, he didn’t know who he was with out it.

After meeting Jess he tried to recover, it was hard but she helped him through it. He still reached for salads and fruit when possible but he wasn’t afraid of eating anymore. He slowly gained his muscle mass back and began to enjoy cooking for he and his girlfriend. The scale was thrown out after he started putting weight back on, it made him feel sick to know how much he’d gained so he decided that it was best he just didn’t know.

He didn’t really turn back to his habits after that, he still ate what dean called rabbit food rather then the fatty foods dean preferred but he never completely stopped eating.  
In fact he’d almost forgotten that stage of his life, which was strange considering that he used to believe that it was his life.  
So now that dean was ordering everyone around, acting like their father and treating jack like a solider sam couldn’t stomach food.  
It was like a mental trigger that dean had unintentionally pulled.  
Sam found himself in the old bunker bathroom, he was looking himself up and down in the mirror wondering how much of him was muscle and how much of him was fat.  
It was like all his years of recovery and working towards a healthier relationship with food had gone out the window. Sam wondered if his Mum would of given him more of her attention if he were skinnier, if he were in control of his food, if he were stronger willed or if she would have ignored him like their father did.  
Sam once again started skipping meals and working out more regularly.


End file.
